72 Hour Recap: Game of Thrones S7E2 "Stormborn"

72 hours have passed since the second episode of Game of Thrones' seventh season released, meaning that anyone who cares about spoilers should've watched it and anyone who hasn't watched it doesn't care. This will be my first of six 72 Hour GOT Recaps for season 7. Without further ado, lets dig in to last Sunday's episode— spoilers, chunky chowders, and all. 

Producers Benioff and Weiss were not kidding when they said every episode would be combustible and action-packed. Episode two, "Stormborn," finds us smack dab in the midst of a game of dodgeball, with captains Khaleesi and Cersei picking off the weak links and fighting for the best offensive players. 

Khaleesi arms herself with a council of strong women and clever men, while Cersei opts for sheer strength and unscrupulous comrades disguised as statesmen. (can you tell which side I'm rooting for here?)

Anyone notice how the women stand closer to the table and the tactics than the men? 

Anyone notice how the women stand closer to the table and the tactics than the men? 

Cersei looking angry and disheveled as per usual. Lena Headley, you're a rockstar for making your character so delectably hatable. 

Cersei looking angry and disheveled as per usual. Lena Headley, you're a rockstar for making your character so delectably hatable. 

Then of course there's Jon and Sansa's continued bickering, this time over whether Jon should travel to meet the Mother of Dragons— Snow for, Sansa against. This doesn't stop until Jon makes the final call to leave Winterfell in Sansa's hands (yeah, Sansa quickly chills out when she realizes she gets to be Queen of the North for a bit) as he rides off to meet Khaleesi and try to get some dragon glass to defeat the ACTUAL F*CKING PROBLEM AKA THE NIGHT KING. We do, however, get to see a long-awaited Snow chokehold the conniving Littlefinger after he creepily professes his love for Jon's sister *gross*.

In Sansa's defense, Jon could save her a lot of whiny outbursts if he'd just include her in these plans before telling all of Winterfell about them...

In Sansa's defense, Jon could save her a lot of whiny outbursts if he'd just include her in these plans before telling all of Winterfell about them...

Interesting fact: Ned Stark had Littlefinger in a similar chokehold in GOT S1 "A Golden Crown." 

Interesting fact: Ned Stark had Littlefinger in a similar chokehold in GOT S1 "A Golden Crown." 

Oh, and for those freaking out about Arya heading south in the season premiere, freak not; a chance encounter with Hot Pie (after a stomach churning scene transition from Jorah's greyscale skin to a bowl of chowder) informs Arya that Jon Snow is King of the North. How she can change appearances and voices but not know that slightly important piece of intel will probably always confuse me, but oh well... to Winterfell she rides!

Meanwhile, Cersei's creepy doctor friend lets her play with a Drogon-killing bow and arrow, which crushes a giant dragon skeleton's nostril. I mean, props for trying and all, but am I the only one who sees a few issues with this strategy? (1) Their test subject is a hundred-year old dragon SKULL, (2) perfectly placed in front of this weapon, (3) without any skin and/or fire to defend itself... but by all means, go ahead creepy doctor. 

So threatening, you threw a stick at an already dead dragon that's probably beginning to disintegrate anyway.

So threatening, you threw a stick at an already dead dragon that's probably beginning to disintegrate anyway.

We wind down this plotting and conspiring episode with a crackling finish: Euron Greyjoy strikes Yara's fleet, kills 2/3 of the Sand Snakes, kidnaps Ellaria Sand (most likely as that coveted "gift" he promised Cersei in last week's episode), and reminds Theon that deep-down, he's still poor ole' Reek... ouch. 

The best part of this episode, though, was not the Stormborn battle, Stark sibling fights, or Cersei rallying her army of betrayers. No, it was a short but tingly piece of advice from Lady Olenna to Khaleesi, from one baddie to another: "He's a clever man, your hand. I've known a great many clever men. I've outlived them all. You know why? I ignored them. The Lords in Westeros are sheep. Are you a sheep? No. You're a dragon. Be a dragon."

“Are you a sheep? No. You’re a dragon. Be a dragon.”
— Lady Olenna

When Olenna gives you life advice, you take it. And I don't just mean that for Khaleesi.

Only five more episodes left, and things are already heating up. Here's 5 things I want to see in next week's episode:

1. Arya and Jon cross paths (because I'm pretty sure that's the one everyone has been waiting for more than anything)

2. Maybe a Sansa and Bran reunion? We haven't seen/heard from Bran since they let him enter Castle Black in the season premiere... surely word would've got to Winterfell by now of his arrival? 

3. Will the rumors be true? Are Jon and Daenerys gonna get hitched for the greater good? We could see some seeds planted next week...

4. Jaime starting to realize all is lost with Cersei

5. What the hell is up Euron's sleeves next? He's been all talk up to this point. Will Theon save Yara? More than likely, she'll save herself. 

Winter is here, and it's nowhere close to ending yet.